I am home!
“Jesus, please give me strength to face the future. No
matter what it will be, help me focus on you. I don’t know how to express my
feelings, help me to turn all of the sadness into motivation.” I was praying
this on the plane.
I asked my family to arrive later. So I was waiting, trying
to make sure I landed and I would be back for…forever? Finally I saw my mom, my
two brothers, and one of my dad’s assistant. I gave them each of them hug. It
was a bit embarrassing since it had been over one year from last time we saw
one another. But it was good. The weather welcomed me with breeze and warmth.
“I am home!”
The transition
Sadness quickly overwhelmed me. I started missing everything
in the States, especially after my mom challenged me not to talk about my
belief. I felt alone since my friends were all working. I wanted to go back to
the States and get a Master Degree! Why do people act so differently? Can
people show some respect? How can I celebrate the good in my own culture?
Thank God I was connected to a believer who is the leader of
the returnee fellowship in town before I came home. I couldn’t wait to go to
that group. It was a sharing session. We shared our concerns, our thanksgiving,
and all kinds of stuff. I felt that I belonged.
I visited three fellowships so far. I was used to the
Western style of worship and preaching. I knew that it would be hard for me to
accept any kind of fellowship. By God’s grace, I readjusted my expectation and
I started to see the good. I am still in the process of searching a fellowship.
Different lifestyle
Life is different. When I was in the States, I liked to cook
dinner and invite friends over to eat. My weekend was full. I have IFI’s bible
study on Friday night, prayer meeting and home church on Saturday, and Sunday
service. I enjoyed leading the small group and serving people in various ways.
I enjoyed driving around to do things. Now, I am back. Cooking dinner for
friends is replaced by eating out with friends. Driving around is replaced by
taking subway and spending an hour trying to get somewhere. God, what do you
want me to change? When can I fall in love with the current lifestyle?
Where to go? Now I
know!
I was confused about where to go before coming back home.
But God is able! Because of family problem, the idea of immigrating to Sydney
was withdrawn. I might have a good job opportunity in Shanghai. So it was
either Shanghai or Shenzhen. I felt the need to stay in my city because of my
family’s unbelief, my friends’ broken life and many others who haven’t heard
the good news. Yes, we can share Jesus wherever we go. Going to other city will
add the difficulty of adjusting to life and restarting life, which leads to
ineffectiveness. I decided to reach out to a Christian organization that I knew
of and see if I could get a job there. Wow, God really opened the door. They
have a staff who is leaving and they do need people. We are good match for each
other. That’s how I decided to stay in Shenzhen!
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