I wanna be found in You

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my thoughts"

 

One thing that I've found extremely blessed of my time in Columbus so far is the extended season of fall this year. With daily commute gradually becoming my favorite part of the day since I learned how to drive back in September (thanks to the awesome IFI driving instruction crew), I couldn't help but notice the change of the trees each day, as the leaves gleaming in the beautiful red, orange and gold, and quietly covering the ground.

It was simply beautiful, and a daily reminder of what a majestic and marvelous creator God we have of this world.

Fall is a season full of change, as the weather gets crisper and cooler, and the dark nights gets longer. And this fall has definitely been a season of change for me as well, transitioning from life as a college student into the real world in a city where everything is new to me.

I'm not unfamiliar with change, and in fact, change has been a constant theme of my life, since different seasons have rarely overlapped with each other. As time goes by and I grow older, I've learned to embrace the joys and surprises that come with changes, knowing that they a natural occurrences in the journey of life; but still, it doesn't get easier.

I remember feeling overwhelmed by all the blessings God have poured over me in the first two months I got here. I was so joyful every day that I recall telling a friend one day, "I feel like being spoiled by Him. He's fulfilling all my needs!"

But as the initial stage of excitement passed and I explored to establish a routine, reality started kicking in. When October hit with various unexpected circumstances and new directions in both ministry and life, I was not at all prepared for it, and was deeply unsettled.

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That was until I heard this song.

All I know is I'm not home yet

This is not where I belong

Take this world and give me Jesus

This is not where I belong

When the earth shakes I wanna be found in You

When the lights fade I wanna be found in You

        This is not where I belong – Building 429

Something I've really enjoyed in the ISEED program is the opportunity to explore ourselves as who God created each one of us uniquely to be. And it didn't take long nor come with surprises for me to find out that I'm someone who's bound more by emotions, comparing with rationality. That means even I'm slightly leaning towards extroversion and I'm energized by people, I still need quality time to wind down every once in a while, so I can really dig down and sort out my feelings.

And that's why I love my 20-minute daily commute to work so much, when I'm alone with God in my car surrounded only by worship music in the background. All that's left to do is to pour out my heart to Him and being fully in His presence. In moments of distress, I’ve always been able to find refuge in this song.

While everything on earth is ever-changing, His love has stayed the same through the ages.

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“The Lord put dirt on me not to bury me, but to grow me.” I once heard this from a homeless guy I met in DC. And it has struck me ever since.

Growing is hard. It brings great outcomes, but often comes with pain and conflicts. It’s never easy to deal with changes, but they have to happen in order for the new to come. As Christians, we rejected our worldly self the moment we chose to accept Him into our heart. But before we get to heaven, we are bound by flesh that is easily tempted by the world. So He is changing our characters from within.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 

Romans 8:28

I remembered myself praying for discomfort and challenges when I first got here. I was so eager to grow spiritually this year that I wouldn’t want to settle for anything less.

So just maybe, this is the discomfort that I was praying about. Through everything, He is examining and revealing my heart, and growing me into His true disciple.

If anything, this season of change is only bringing me closer to Him and holding onto His promises even more. I’ve learned that in time of turbulence and uncertainty, He is the anchor of my soul. I couldn't wait to share more of this journey with you as He continues to reveal His good purposes and abundance of His grace to me this year! I know it would all make sense to me one day, as long as I continue to trust in Him.

I'm just not home yet. But it will be beautiful when I am.

"There may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning."