Let's Talk About Love and Relationships

The change of priorities in life is the one of the biggest differences that I experienced after becoming a Christian.

Growing up in a society that stresses the importance of getting ahead and competing against other people, I used to focus so much on personal growth and advancement. My time mainly went towards personal entertainment, studying, classes that would make me "smarter" and "more competitive", gaining experiences, etc. It is not to say that making yourself a better person is wrong. The problem is that, I spent too much time to make the world revolve around me, and neglected the relationships I have with other people.

We were taught that it is okay to not to things that you promised if there is a conflict of interests, in other words, it is okay to be selfish. So I chose to stay in my comfort zone and was sometimes justifying my selfish reasons to choose to focus on me instead of spending time with friends and family.

This is the exact opposite that Jesus would do. In fact, He is the perfect model of relationship. The relationship that He has with the Father and His disciples are serving as the example that we all should follow. He stretched himself and made time to stay with his disciples. His love is never for himself but for people around Him and the Father. The inability to love other people is the reason of the wrong focus that I had when I was younger.

Jesus tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves. This love is based on our hearts to serve them selfishlessly, to truly value and to spend time with them and build relationships. He came down on the earth with one purpose, to serve as the ultimate sacrifice and provide the only way for us to restore our broken relationship with the Father. It is out of His perfect love for us, and for relationship.

The Waiting Place

It's hard to believe the year with IFI is approaching to an end.

I remember feeling frustrated when people started to ask me what my next steps are. While it seems like life is full of possibilities when I first moved to Columbus, ironically it doesn't seem like I have many options lying in front of me as the year is drawing to an end.

It's hard to be in a culture and life stage where everything constantly reminds you of the pressing need to figure out what's next, while all you really want is focusing on being present. While I could easily lightheartedly answer this question by saying "wherever the Lord is taking me next" in the beginning, I've found myself growing wearier as the time passes.

Not just because I haven't been actively pursuing future opportunities, but mostly because of the fear of not nearly doing enough/well enough for what's now. 

I thought that I had very specific goals and visions coming into the program. Having been an international student on a college campus for the past 4 years, I thought I would understand better about the spiritual/practical needs of international students. And I would finally have a platform to use the gifts and resources God provided for me graciously to serve the lost. 

My heart was for the students from under-reached people groups(especially those who wouldn't be naturally drawn to the traditional concept of a bible study) to have encounter with Christians on an American campus through authentic relationships with their peers and being part of a genuine community where Christians and non-Christians come together and have a safe place/causal environment to have deep spiritual conversations. 

As I felt very spirit-led initially in pursuing these goals and visions, at one point I've realized that my desire to serve in ministry has turned from serving God into serving people. 

They have turned from Godly desires into my own desires. When I received disappointments from people, I soon turned them into disappointments on God.

On the first page of my journal was illustration of a verse I drew at the beginning of my ISEED year:

  “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5

When I revisited this verse, all of a sudden things started to make sense to me. How could I expect to bear much fruit while I'm not remaining in the vine? Have I become the Samaritan woman, who's expecting to quench her thirst from the water on the ground, instead of the living water that Jesus has offered for me?

If I had been continuously pressing on God, wouldn't I still have the overflowing of joy even when things are hard? If I had been continuously seeking my identity in Christ, wouldn't I still be able to stand strong on my feet even when I felt rejected and misunderstood by people? 

Maybe God has put me in this waiting place for a reason. Maybe the things I have desires to see happening aren't happening right now for a reason. He is not holding anything back from me. He is simply drawing me closer to Him, and asking me to hand over my control. So when the day comes where everything falls into its place, I would  know that it was only because of Him instead of me.

                                       

Declare the gospel fearlessly

In the class we had with Rich recently, we read the two following verses: "Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should."-- Ephesians 6:19-20.    

Rich then challenged us with the question of how often we pray the same prayer, asking God to help us fearlessly share the gospel. In the classroom, at the same time I felt convicted to pray the same prayer, I realized how long I had not prayed that prayer. 

This year, at the end of our Friday Bible study small group, we take turns to share our prayer requests, many of which are about personal needs, with prayers for upcoming exams being the most common ones. And then on Saturday, the Chinese fellowship group I am in has a strong emphasis on healing prayers. While I have been learning God's love and mercy in meeting our basic needs and how we should bring forward such pleas with faith, I somehow have started to pray less and less for my boldness in sharing the gospel. In the past, I usually only prayed for character development, to be passionate for the gospel and to bear fruits of the Spirit. I did not often pray for vocational or physical needs, unless faced with a major life decision or afflicted with severe diseases. 

Rich's class reminded me to pray for a fearless heart for the gospel, in addition to trusting God with our basic daily needs. 

Breaking down strongholds

I want to share with you something that touched my heart and helped me move closed to God.
Last Sunday the message in church was about Mark 1:21-27.

They went to Capernaum, and when the Sabbath came, Jesus went into the synagogue and began to teach. The people were amazed at his teaching, because he taught them as one who had authority, not as the teachers of the law. Just then a man in their synagogue who was possessed by an impure spirit cried out, “What do you want with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who you are—the Holy One of God!”
 
I have always read this story focusing on the evil spirit and the miracle performed. The pastor asked "Who is this man?" For the very first time I started thinking about his life: Who was him? How was for him to live with an evil spirit? Was he living the life he wanted?
Maybe, he was a man who used to go to church regularly. A man that every week would go to the synagogue and come back home unchanged! How sad that is! The truth is that religion does not set people free! His practices and his traditions were not helping him to live a better life!
The real life changing experience only happens when he meets Jesus.

Our past experiences, our childhood, some relationships have left wounds in our hear. Because of our pain, we have left space to Satan to create strongholds, places of thinking, based on lies, that control us and that are against the Kingdom of God. The pastor mentioned that one of the most common stronghold is rejection. It usually starts when we are babies, and is related to our interaction with our parents, and the desire to be up to their expectations. Right after that, fear comes. We live in fear of not being sufficient, to loose the affection and love from the ones we love. That leads to anger and, ultimately, to the stronghold of control.

Since I started my Master Life classes two years ago and joined the ISEED program many things have changed in my life. I can confidently say that I am not the person I was years ago and I am grateful to God for the work of the Holy Spirit in me. I have been through the Inner healing course and the steps to freedom in Christ (two courses that are part of the ISEED Program) and I have seen great deliverance from God, specially in the areas of rejection, fear and anger. I realized that those feelings and reactions do not define me. I am a new creature in Him and that I can live the life and freedom He wants for me.
But for the first time, last Sunday I realized that not all the strongholds had be addressed. The last one was still there. I finally realized that my tendency to "perfection" both on me and on others is not from God. Of course, it's good to have the desire to help others in becoming a better person, but I could sense frustration and disappointment in my words every time I would suggest someone to do something that for me was pretty clear and "absolutely right". I realized that I haven't been talking out of truth and love, but only in a judgmental tone and attitude.
That's why I immediately asked for prayer. I replaced the lies in my head with the truths from the Bible. Instead of thinking "You should know best. If you know and still do what is wrong you deserve to be treated harshly", I should focus on Jesus reaction to Peter's denial: He didn't scold him, but forgave him and look at his potential.
I asked God to forgive me for my hard heart and to give me His love and compassion and I know he did!

Do you, like I did, struggle with rejection, fear, anger or control? Do you have any areas in you character that you wish was different? Go to Jesus and experience His freedom!

Reward for sharing the gospel

In Rich’s Evangelism class, we discussed about the challenges that we meet when sharing the gospel. There are many reasons that hinder us from sharing the gospel to others. Maybe we are afraid what others may react. It also possible that we are busy and do not have a heart or a plan to share the gospel. We may also feel inadequacy when sharing the gospel.  Among all the four reasons, the most common one is fear.  We are afraid that people may judge us, reject us, hurt us or even kill us. Then Rich asked do you think you can do it if I give 10,000 each time after you share the gospel? Most of us said yes.

My personal answer is also yes. To be more correct, my answer is ‘absolutely’.  Then right away, I was stricken by my answer. I am smashed by my thoughts behind this. What is my motivation in doing things? If sharing the gospel makes me afraid and getting 10,000 reward covers the fear, does that mean getting a financial reward is more important than sharing the gospel? What is my purpose in sharing the gospel then? Isn’t that joining God’s joy for one’s salvation a lot bigger than anything? By giving that answer, am I saying that God is not giving enough rewards every day? He paid a heavy price to buy me back, even though I got it for free. He is also fulfilling my needs every day.  He gives me a healthy body, a loving family, a bunch of good friends, a good volunteer opportunity, etc.. Am I really counting his mercy and grace every day? Am I allowing the Holy Spirit to renew me every day? I guess not.

 

I really hope by prayer I can renew myself every day and serve God with gratitude. I hope one day in his kingdom I can be called a good and faithful servant.

Let's talk about fear

Fear, an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat. 

It is unlikely that this is the emotion someone want to experience on a daily basis let alone let it take control over your life. Unfortunately, fear isn't uncommon. At least at some point in life, we all had fear towards an unknown future and the feeling that we have absolutely no control over the things that are right in front of our eyes.

I too had the fear of not being able to determine what's going to happen in my life and whether or not the things that I have planned will go the way I wanted them to. Especially a few months before I graduated from college, it was a time filled with uncertainty. I have my life all planned out but with reality, some of the things that I planned didn't seem to work out. The more I have to change my plans, the less confidence I had in myself. Instead, I stopped planning. Imagine the fear of not knowing what's coming next, and what to prepare. That was exactly how I was feeling back then. It also seemed like God was not giving me any directions either. I was left alone, completely. I was like a 5-year-old kid in a giant shopping mall alone, can't find my parents, don't know who to turn to, don't know which way is the way out.

The truth is, God never left me alone. He was watching over me, waiting for the perfect timing to drive all the fear away and put me back on the right track. That was exactly what He did. I heard about the ISEED program and was surprised at how well it fitted my situation and the desires that I had in my heart -- to grow in my faith and to try different things to figure out what my true passion is about. I was so amazed as how perfectly it worked out for me and all the amazing things that God has planned for me during this journey. I started to realize that, fear, is nothing but not having enough faith and confidence in God our Father. 

Now, I am faced with the same situation. Standing at the intersection, don't know where to go. Reality has hit me again. Changes in life and unexpected things were pulling me away from the "track". Faced with so many options and decisions, the same fear came creeping in. This time, I was waiting for God to direct me and once again tell me the plans that He has for me. 

Instead of opening a door for me, God closed a door to show me the direction. He pointed at that direction and said to me, "that's not where I want you to go." When an opportunity slipped away from you finger tip, the normal reaction would be either disappointed or sad. Well, that was not how I was feeling. I feel really relieved and the picture in my head actually became clearer. I knew that God was preparing something much better for me. As time goes on, the meetings with my career mentor, other people I encountered in my life all points me to pursuing a graduate degree in finance and to be a financial advisor serving multicultural communities. I felt that God was using people around me to tell me where to go. Once again, God took away the fear I had.

Now I have complete confidence in God and trust him in leading me in my life. Every time when fear tries to take control over my life, take control over my mind, God uses His way to pull me out of it and points me the way.

Perfect love drives out fear. God's love for us is perfect. There is no reason to be afraid of anything in life. Fear didn't help much in my life, if anything, it taught me to trust in God more and to rely on Him.

God is my provider

I am studying listening prayer with Keren Oliver and it is so much a blessing to have this class with her.  We meet every Friday and I hope every day is Friday in a week.

At first, it seems a little bit challenge for me to ‘listen’ to God. Mostly I pray to God about my concerns in the beginning of the day, I then just leave God and go to handle my things. I did not really have time to listen to God and got the feedback from Him. It was challenging to believe that I can silence the other voices and hear God’s voice clearly. 

 I want to share with you what I experienced last week. I got admitted to Master of Business Logistics Engineering program in Fisher College and I will begin my study in this coming August. I need scholarship yet I knew Fisher College does not provide scholarship for international students in this program. I shared this to Karen and she challenged me by asking me to pray to God and listen to Him on the next day. I waited for several days and finally I did what she told to me on the next Tuesday, yet I did not hear back clearly immediately. I asked God to show me if it is his plan for me to study in Fisher College. Then I send an email to Fisher College and asked them if there is any scholarship available. Much to my surprise, I received one email saying that every student will get some scholarship and they will tell me how much scholarship I am receiving on that day. I received another email by the end of the day saying that I am getting a 10,000 scholarship, which is the highest scholarship Fisher College provide for students in MBLE program. I just cannot stand to burst into tear and sing worship songs to God. My heart was effusive in my gratitude. I am so thankful that God replied my prayer in such an immediate and direct way. I am also thankful that He know fulfill my needs.