I am not Myself's Planner

When I was sitting in the office one day, for a while I thought it was 2016, and I thought next year would be 2017. When I finally figured out it is 2015 now, I realized it is almost the end of September, then I thought wow, it is about time to buy another planner.

I always make plans for myself, each year end I will buy a planner and then write down all the things that I know on my planner even before the new year starts. Even after I became a believer, I was still living my daily life strongly depend on "my" plan for a long while. If my day is not going according to my planner, I would feel nervous, am I behind my plan, am I out of control of my life? For a long while I was wondering, what would my life be like if I am not using planner anymore, how many times do I need to look at my planner each day to make sure I am finishing all my to-do-list? Am I relying on God to give me a sense of fulfillment and security or am I relying on my planner or in other words, myself?

I was often told that life needs to be "stable" when I grew up. My third oldest cousin got married, had a kid, her life is seen as "stable" and completed all the things she needs to do before enjoying a "stable" life; my third youngest cousin just got her job offer and would be able to stay at her home city, her life is seen as "stable" and ready to start her career and a "real life". Every time I go back home, my uncle would say "Don't chase some big dreams, when can you be stable? So we can feel secured in our hearts that you have a settled life." To be "stable", I used to make plans for myself, and then followed the plans, then hoped as long as I am following these plans, one day I would have a "stable" life. But who is in charge of my life? God is in charge of my life! Who should make plans for me, God should make plans for me! Am I using my planner as a planner or a reminder, is my planner a unchangeable schedule that is graven in my life or it is flexible that God can move the little pieces as Him thinks is the best for me.

I used to be very anxious and annoyed when my schedule needs to be changed, or some meeting times need to be changed because of some last minute calls. It gave me a sense of insecurity, because it is not how I planned it, I am not in control of my schedule anymore. But then God taught me to use my planner as a reminder, I can put plans in it, but plans are things that have not happened yet, plans can be changed. Since that summer, I started to replace my plans by God's plans. I am not that upset about people changing the schedules anymore, and for some days I don't even look at my schedule until night and see how much I have finished. My life is not bounded by my plans anymore, because I know that God has a plan and He wants me to have joy in my life.

My friends, I am not saying that planner is not good, I think it is very important to make our lives organized, but what is more important is to put faith in Christ knowing that even though life does not always go according to our plans, God is still in control. Ask God what He wants for us, what are His plans for us, put His plans in the planner, for that is where real security and stability come from.

When I was moving this summer, I found a piece of paper that I had when I first came here. It was a ten-year life plan, step by step, and I am happy to see that I barely looked at it during these years, and I am not following what is written on it. I know that God is changing my heart and teaching me how to rely on Him and put faith in Him. Now I really know it is not about "when can you be stable", for my life is stable every day in the Lord. I once was accomplishing the plans to feel secured, but now I am feeling secured and accomplishing the plans, for I know that God is in control and He is with me all the time, my heart is settled and I wish that my family can also know that so their hearts' would also be settled. When I look upon the cross, I know that I am secured in the Lord, and how amazing that He not only saved me but also gave me abundant life that is filled with hope and joy. He indeed deserves all the praise!!

PS. Thanks for reading the blog:) You are very welcome to comment below, and I am very willing to discuss with you! May the Lord bless you every day!

When I Think about August

It has been a month since I started ISEED program, time really goes fast! As I am sitting down and recalling my memory of August, August was really a very blessed time for me. I am very thankful that God has carried me through all the ups and downs, He has been teaching me how to be a better leader with a servant heart, and He has also provided me all the supports and help I need from brothers and sisters around me.

I have been involved with the August Welcome month in the past two years as a student before I started my internship with IFI, but it is the first time for me to take the leading responsibility for one of the three Welcome planning teams, and God has been teaching me a lot during the process. I was in charge of leading the Orientation/Involvement Fair team which included 6 days table booth on campus and the Involvement Fair day. I am very thankful that God gave me the chance to lead the whole team, we had very responsible members in the team that made the whole process fun and fruitful. Our team's planning work was done very early in June, and all the table booths happened in August.

One big thing God has been teaching me this summer is to have joy and a thankful heart when I am working on projects and tasks. In the past, I always had the tendency to separate my spiritual life and projects, especially when I am responsible for some events or projects. I always tried to absorb the words, be charged and prepared, then jumped into the work with energy, then I always feel burned out after the projects were done, then took a period of time off to be recharged again. But this summer, God has been really working in my heart to let me better understand and live my life with the sense that God is with me all the time, every second and every day, no matter what am I doing. No matter I am sharing the gospel with others, or doing administrative work without direct communications with others, I can always feel His presence. And I finally realized that the feeling of pressure and stress I used to have is because I could not fully rely on God, I was trying to get things done as I planned so I can have the sense of security. But it is wrong! If I am living according to my plan, I will never find security, but when I am living each day by asking God's guidance and have the faith that He will provide me what I need, and He will carry me through all the things, joy and relax just come so naturally.

Moreover, when I am just trying to cross what are on my planner and get things done, I could not feel relax, it always felt like work to me. But when I start embracing and enjoying my to-do-lists, I start having more appreciations of my work and people around me. After the big Involvement Fair day, I decided to just take a relaxing moment with my friend by walking along High Street and drinking some iced tea on the way home. For some reason, I felt it was so quiet on High Street that night, it might be because we had been standing near the big speaker for four hours:P Feeling the breeze, thinking about all the table booths that had been finished, I was filled with joy and thanksgiving.

I believe that God will give me a blessed ISEED year, it is a precious chance for me to have so much time and resources to let the Lord better equip me to be a disciple of the Him. So please pray for me that I will obey God's will all the time, and I will be strengthened by the Holy Spirit.

Thanks for your reading!!