I am not better than others

Earlier this month I went to a conference held by Pure Life Ministry in Kentucky. Pure Life Ministry’s main vision is to help people fight against sexual sins and live a sexually pure life. The corner stone of their ministry is a 7-month residential program, in which people commit to live a communal life with others who also struggle with sexual sin in a peaceful rural area cut off from Internet and other worldly distractions. I found out about this residential program when I entered the church where the conference was held. As you might have guessed, I did not attend this conference out of pure curiosity—its topic was relevant to myself. However, despite of the struggles I had had with sexual sins, no sooner did I see the banner about the residential program than I started to feel grateful to God that my sins were not so bad that I had to go through such a boring, even shameful program—if I did go through the program, I certainly would have kept it a secret to my grandparents.

At that moment, different thoughts were flashing through my mind. The idea that I was not bad enough to join the residential program was surprisingly reminiscent of something other ISEEDERs and I read together in a book called A Meal with Jesus, according to which, Pharisees in Jesus’s time used to thank God that they were born clean—not as Gentiles, tax collectors and all other kinds of sinners. Upon making the connection, I had a smile of embarrassment, although no one knew I smiled because just like Pharisees, I thought I was better than others, and even thanked God for that…

I realized my pride, but my attitude to the residential program did not change a bit—that it would be so boring to live in place cut off from technology and crowded with other guys. When I was incapable of changing myself, praise to the Lord, that He once again changed my thoughts. It just so happened, or should I say, God arranged that a fund-raising banquet was schedule on the next day, and one of the program was a choir of the all the current members of the residential program. When the choir entered the ball room, they were welcomed with a standing ovation. Standing close to the entrance, I could clearly see each resident when they entered the room, and among them were both people of my age and grey-haired elders walking with a cane.

The ball room reverberated with hand clapping sound. As my hands gradually went numb, so did my heart and mind, deeply touched and blown away by these people’s humbleness to join a program that I frowned upon as boring, and their commitment to set aside 7 months of life that I could not imagine to go through. On a behavioral level, their sins were probably worse than mine, but once having found out a program through which God may powerfully extend His healing hand, they chose to obey and follow, with faith, holding on to a thread of hope for what they had not yet seen. Earlier that day, a delivery car came with divorce papers for a guy. Staying there was not easy.

That night, I heard a story of a man who came to the program with a gun in his car trunk, thinking to commit suicide if the program could not help. In the end, he did not use his gun. That weekend, I came in with an arrogance that I was better than those who needed to go through the program, only to leave with an admiration of the faith of the “bad sinners”.

Follow His Master Plan

This month, we are reading a book called The Master Plan of Evangelism. This book talked about the plans that Jesus used in His ministry and His way of teaching the disciples. The book outlined eight most important aspects observed in the ministry of the Master- selection, association, consecration, impartation, demonstration, delegation, supervision and reproduction.  In the the first step which is selection, what stood out to me the most and spoke to me is the strategy of "concentrated on a few".

In Jesus' ministry, he only chose 12 people to start with even though His ultimate goal is to transform the world. One may think that 12 people is far from enough to be able to achieve that ultimate goal of Jesus', the wisdom lies in it. By keeping the group small, Jesus was able to work effectively with them and teach them by demonstration what He wanted them to learn, so that one day, they will be fully equipped and prepared to step on to the journey of evangelism. 

Throughout the ministry, even though more and more people started to follow Jesus, He still kept His focus on these people. Even among those 12 disciples, some are enjoying closer relationships with Jesus than others.  

This made me think of the importance of focusing on a few people and pouring into their lives as much as I could instead of trying to meet as many people and possible. I think God has different things prepared for different people in missions and the ways He wanted them to take are also different. I believe what God is calling me to do is to pour into the lives of a few people that may be already in my life and people that I am about to encounter in the days to come. 

During the ISEED program, I've also learnt how importance it is to ask God to lead us to people with peace and are ready to receive the gospel. This would open us new doors for evangelism conversations and allows us to share the gospel better and more effectively. 

As I get closer and closer to the end of the ISEED program, I can see a clearer picture that God revealed to me of what He wants me to do in the future. I feel him calling me to move to another city. I feel confident that He will lead me to people of peace that He wants me to pour my life into. 

Seeing God's master plan of evangelism and the plan He has for me laying out, I've never felt this confident in being able to be a royal servant to God to carry out His good purposes. I also feel the urge of moving on to the next chapter of my life and to experience the good things that He has in store for me. 

     

Back Home

I was really touched by Rich’s sharing about returnees in the 11^th IFI banquet. He mentioned that many international students became believers in the states and after they return home God used them to share the gospel with thousands of people. One of the names he mentioned, John Song, went into my mind. I heard about him around ten years ago and I knew that he made great contribution to spread the gospel in China, especially in the middle part of China. What really touched me is 10% of all the Christians in China are influenced by him directly and indirectly. God really did amazing things through John Song. I hope God can use me as the way He used John Song after I return home.

My husband Calvin and I had a plan before we came to Columbus. He planned to be a professor in China and so we can influence students in China easily. We plan to show hospitality to students from other provinces who are studying in the university that Calvin is going to work. We plan to have a Friday/Thursday night bible study group at home and I will cook for the students and we will follow up them at weekends. I believe God lead me to IFI and this ISEED program to train me and equip me to better serve students in China. I learned how to lead discovery bible study and how to share the gospel by reading books and share opinion with other ISEEDers. I saw many others Christians working as role models to share the gospel with others.

We are planning to go back to China in several years and we believe that during this time God will equip us better to be his servants.

A prayer for healing

I recently had the opportunity to go on Columbus State Community College and engage with students in spiritual conversations through a piece of art work portraying biblical stories that represent the daily conflicts people go through in their lives. 

I was amazed by how quickly people responded, with such honesty and openness. Our board was quickly filled with people's response cards - the feeling of uncertainty of future, loss of close friends and family members, struggles with depression. 

It breaks my heart. 

How many people are hurting inside each day? These hurts might be buried deeply in their hearts. They are buried under busyness of school work, life, social activities. They are hidden behind laughter and smiles. 

We just don't always see it.

The thing is, every time I got to talk with someone, I was so excited to share the truth with them - how Jesus extended His arms reached out to the poor, the lost, and the lonely; how He approached the Samaritan woman; how He healed the man with leprosy. I saw so much of His love for each person that's hurting that I forgot mine. And I so wanted to tell them that there's someone who's waiting to carry all their burdens, including mine.

I wish this is something I could be doing every day. It's ironic sometimes how much easier it is to share the truth with someone else than to ourselves. But by repeating the truth, I'm reminding myself each time of the same promises He had for me. Something that has never changed but somehow I keep forgetting about. 

Is this how Jesus felt when He was on the cross? Seeing all the love His father had for His people, even though He was hurting in such pain that's beyond our imagination?

My prayer is for more healing on college campuses, more students to be touched by His spirit, especially through the hard times. I pray that He will use my hurts to reach out to others who are hurting. Oh Lord, may you break my heart for what breaks yours.

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We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;

2 Corinthians 4:8

Why Evangelism?

Last month, Rich gave us a series of class about evangelism. During one of his classes, he asked us if we would like to go outside the office and share gospels with people in the street. I had an answer in my mind at that time. I would not go definitely, since I feel it is awkward to talk about gospel with strangers. Then he asked us"if you go outside and talk with the stranger about God, you will get $10,000 reward, how many  of you would go?" To be honest, with such a payment, I would go outside and talk with strangers immediately. The payment is a powerful motivation. Then I realize my motivation is not God.
I have been enjoying my privileges as being God' child for a long time. I always talk with God and ask for his bless. God is loving me all the time. I feel it is so good to be in God's kingdom. Through God, my life is becoming better and better. I spend lots time thinking about how I can "get" more from God. I eager to grow by reading bible and staying with other Christians. I always want other mature christians to help me grow. I rarely think about share all the good things to other people, especially non-believers.
One day, one of my christian friends ask me" Cindy, when you know a good tv show, a good food, a good place, or any good things, will you share with your friend?" I said"yes, of course, I always share good things with my friends". I thought she was doubting how I treat my friend. So I even gave her some examples of my sharing with friends recently. Then she said"well, so how do you think God's words compared to those good things you shared with your friend? which one do you think is better?" Then I realized what she was really trying to say.
Recently, I am thinking a lot about evangelism. I feel I am so selfish. So I pray that I can be obedient to God's command and become a fruit-bearing disciple. Jesus expects his followers to let people in on the meaning of his life, death, and resurrection. Before he ascended to heaven, Jesus said, “Go and make disciples of all nations” (Matthew 28:19). When we share the gospel, we are obeying Jesus’ command and joining the Great Commission he entrusted to us (John 20:19-21)
I realize when we proclaim the good news, we grow as Christ’s disciples. Through evangelism we can strengthen our faith and transform our thinking. Last month,I went to the ESL class in the library again. It is a good place to find international non-believers. I talked with a girl who relocated to Columbus. She is from China, and she is a non-believer. She would like to know more people. So I invited her to our wives group. After inviting her, I felt very joyful, I hope her new journey can begin from wives group.

Search me Lord, and know my heart

           Last week, a student called Di mentioned to me a theory about 3 ways in which people acquire self-esteem. The first way is to compare with others.  If a person does better than others, the person gains self-esteem. The second way is to match the goals a person made for himself. If person can achieve his own goals, then he feels good about himself. The third type of people have a deep-rooted identity of who they are, and their self-esteem are not heavily influenced by comparison. And then Di commented: “maybe is third type is like because God so loved the world…” I agreed with what Di, thinking that the third type of people have solid identity as children of God, and therefore they don’t have to use ulterior means to validate themselves.

I told Di that I am a strong type II. I often set goals for myself, and strive to achieve them. I like myself a lot more or a lot less, depending on whether I can achieve my own goals or not. Recently, I have been working hard towards the goal of being able to climb all the routes in Ohio State University’s climbing gym. I started out with a firm belief that rock climbing was something God wanted me to do, because it was through many totally unexpected twists and turns that I got into rock climbing, which was also something I had been praying for to do over the long winter when I couldn’t do outdoor cycling. Rocking climbing also immediately gave me a Godly purpose, because of sheer difficulty gave me a strong sense of inadequacy. While I was trapped on the wall, not able to move any higher, and consumed by the fear of falling, I was praying for God to give me the courage and persistence, so that I wouldn’t give up unless I had tried my absolute best. I also remember the story in Exodus 17, which is about Joshua’s Israelites army were winning battles whenever Moses lifted his hand. I felt as a climber, I was like Joshua, because although I was winning some tough battles, it was God who fought for me. Without prayers on the wall, I could do little. Moreover, I even came across the verses of Psalm 94:18-19 : “When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.” In rock climbing, if a person’s feet slip from the tiny footholds, he or she is almost likely going to fall off the wall. Anxiety of falling cripples a person from making bold, dynamic moves. Therefore, I was overjoyed to read these two verses, as if they were written for my rock climbing training.

But before I knew it, I started to train 3 hours a day, and sometimes more than 10 days in a row. Pains from my fingers and elbows gave me the first warning sign that I was training too much. When I looked deeper into my spiritual life, I realized my rock climbing started to lose the joy and patience, which are the fruits of the Spirit. I used to experience joy in the process, but now, unless I can climb the next hard route, I feel not joy, but great impatience, and disappointment with myself. Thanks to God, a mentor pointed out to me that Psalm 94 is not the only place that mentions “foot slipping”. Psalm 73 says that “But as for me, my feet had almost slipped:  I had nearly lost my foothold. For I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.” In my case, my feet were slipping because rock climbing was starting to become an idol for me in which I sought self-esteem through personal achievements. I was so performance-minded, that if I saw a climber worse than me, I would feel judgmental to him/her, and if I saw a climber better than me, I felt envious. What started with Godly intentions gradually turned into a barren place where myself was starting to replace God. But I’m grateful that God has revealed to me that in the deep recess of heart, I have been trying to earn the favor of myself and the favoring of God by achievement and performance. No matter how many stories of faithful men and women who chose to give up their promising careers to stay at home to take care of their children, or sick spouses, I imagined myself having to be out there in the battlefront, reaching out to unknown people groups, to feel the most content with myself. In other words, in my imagination, I would rather choose to be a martyr shot to death by terrorists because of my profession of faith, than to be a husband who honors God by staying home to take care of my wife. I feel I need to do things to please myself and God, but Jesus says: “without me, you can do nothing.”

            I believe that Bible does commands us to work hard for the Lord, and often during the process, at some point, I start to work hard for myself under the pretext of working for hard. As soon as I drive Jesus out of the center, I will work in vain. I pray God to reveal to me the deep thoughts and intentions of my heart, and correct me to go on the path everlasting. 

The honor of serving with IFI

I feel very blessed to work with IFI. The opportunity to work for the Lord and the assurance to make a difference in this world fills my heart with joy. I am surrounded by people who love the Lord, people I can follow and imitate as they follow and imitate Christ. One of the most important things I learned during the ISEED formation was to always start with the end in mind and working with events it is crucial to know what it the goal and the expectation.
Then, what is my object? Why do I coordinate events for international students? “For God so loved the world” says John 3:16. The ultimate point is to share this love, the good news that the god that students feel distant or not existing is truly the creator of the universe, the One who cares for them so much and who made a way to have a relationship with us.
I might not be able to talk to students and interact with them because I will be busy making sure that everything runs smoothly, but my job is to provide volunteers an environment where they can connect with students, and where students can feel safe and loved. My desire is that each activity can be the beginning of a life changing experience.

In the past few months, I have heard multiple testimonies of students learning about IFI during one of our events (the Hocking Hills trip, a conference over Christmas, etc.) and my heart was filled with joy! It is a victory when even just one person is impacted with the Gospel! Jesus power is so great that He makes everything new and can bring light even in the darkest places. If those internationals hear the good news and share it both here in the US with their friends and back at home, the change will be radical and the great commission accomplished one person at the time!
Did you know that one on one discipleship is the best way to reach the world? Numbers say that the growth is slow at the beginning, but that the investment is worth in the long run, as the multiplication is exponential (“Discipleship by design” by Harvey Herman, Jr.).

I thank God for the honor of serving Him through IFI. It makes me feel like I belong to something bigger and that the time I spend is well invested.
                                      

Let's Talk About Love and Relationships

The change of priorities in life is the one of the biggest differences that I experienced after becoming a Christian.

Growing up in a society that stresses the importance of getting ahead and competing against other people, I used to focus so much on personal growth and advancement. My time mainly went towards personal entertainment, studying, classes that would make me "smarter" and "more competitive", gaining experiences, etc. It is not to say that making yourself a better person is wrong. The problem is that, I spent too much time to make the world revolve around me, and neglected the relationships I have with other people.

We were taught that it is okay to not to things that you promised if there is a conflict of interests, in other words, it is okay to be selfish. So I chose to stay in my comfort zone and was sometimes justifying my selfish reasons to choose to focus on me instead of spending time with friends and family.

This is the exact opposite that Jesus would do. In fact, He is the perfect model of relationship. The relationship that He has with the Father and His disciples are serving as the example that we all should follow. He stretched himself and made time to stay with his disciples. His love is never for himself but for people around Him and the Father. The inability to love other people is the reason of the wrong focus that I had when I was younger.

Jesus tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves. This love is based on our hearts to serve them selfishlessly, to truly value and to spend time with them and build relationships. He came down on the earth with one purpose, to serve as the ultimate sacrifice and provide the only way for us to restore our broken relationship with the Father. It is out of His perfect love for us, and for relationship.

The Waiting Place

It's hard to believe the year with IFI is approaching to an end.

I remember feeling frustrated when people started to ask me what my next steps are. While it seems like life is full of possibilities when I first moved to Columbus, ironically it doesn't seem like I have many options lying in front of me as the year is drawing to an end.

It's hard to be in a culture and life stage where everything constantly reminds you of the pressing need to figure out what's next, while all you really want is focusing on being present. While I could easily lightheartedly answer this question by saying "wherever the Lord is taking me next" in the beginning, I've found myself growing wearier as the time passes.

Not just because I haven't been actively pursuing future opportunities, but mostly because of the fear of not nearly doing enough/well enough for what's now. 

I thought that I had very specific goals and visions coming into the program. Having been an international student on a college campus for the past 4 years, I thought I would understand better about the spiritual/practical needs of international students. And I would finally have a platform to use the gifts and resources God provided for me graciously to serve the lost. 

My heart was for the students from under-reached people groups(especially those who wouldn't be naturally drawn to the traditional concept of a bible study) to have encounter with Christians on an American campus through authentic relationships with their peers and being part of a genuine community where Christians and non-Christians come together and have a safe place/causal environment to have deep spiritual conversations. 

As I felt very spirit-led initially in pursuing these goals and visions, at one point I've realized that my desire to serve in ministry has turned from serving God into serving people. 

They have turned from Godly desires into my own desires. When I received disappointments from people, I soon turned them into disappointments on God.

On the first page of my journal was illustration of a verse I drew at the beginning of my ISEED year:

  “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5

When I revisited this verse, all of a sudden things started to make sense to me. How could I expect to bear much fruit while I'm not remaining in the vine? Have I become the Samaritan woman, who's expecting to quench her thirst from the water on the ground, instead of the living water that Jesus has offered for me?

If I had been continuously pressing on God, wouldn't I still have the overflowing of joy even when things are hard? If I had been continuously seeking my identity in Christ, wouldn't I still be able to stand strong on my feet even when I felt rejected and misunderstood by people? 

Maybe God has put me in this waiting place for a reason. Maybe the things I have desires to see happening aren't happening right now for a reason. He is not holding anything back from me. He is simply drawing me closer to Him, and asking me to hand over my control. So when the day comes where everything falls into its place, I would  know that it was only because of Him instead of me.

                                       

Declare the gospel fearlessly

In the class we had with Rich recently, we read the two following verses: "Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should."-- Ephesians 6:19-20.    

Rich then challenged us with the question of how often we pray the same prayer, asking God to help us fearlessly share the gospel. In the classroom, at the same time I felt convicted to pray the same prayer, I realized how long I had not prayed that prayer. 

This year, at the end of our Friday Bible study small group, we take turns to share our prayer requests, many of which are about personal needs, with prayers for upcoming exams being the most common ones. And then on Saturday, the Chinese fellowship group I am in has a strong emphasis on healing prayers. While I have been learning God's love and mercy in meeting our basic needs and how we should bring forward such pleas with faith, I somehow have started to pray less and less for my boldness in sharing the gospel. In the past, I usually only prayed for character development, to be passionate for the gospel and to bear fruits of the Spirit. I did not often pray for vocational or physical needs, unless faced with a major life decision or afflicted with severe diseases. 

Rich's class reminded me to pray for a fearless heart for the gospel, in addition to trusting God with our basic daily needs. 

Breaking down strongholds

I want to share with you something that touched my heart and helped me move closed to God.
Last Sunday the message in church was about Mark 1:21-27.

They went to Capernaum, and when the Sabbath came, Jesus went into the synagogue and began to teach. The people were amazed at his teaching, because he taught them as one who had authority, not as the teachers of the law. Just then a man in their synagogue who was possessed by an impure spirit cried out, “What do you want with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who you are—the Holy One of God!”
 
I have always read this story focusing on the evil spirit and the miracle performed. The pastor asked "Who is this man?" For the very first time I started thinking about his life: Who was him? How was for him to live with an evil spirit? Was he living the life he wanted?
Maybe, he was a man who used to go to church regularly. A man that every week would go to the synagogue and come back home unchanged! How sad that is! The truth is that religion does not set people free! His practices and his traditions were not helping him to live a better life!
The real life changing experience only happens when he meets Jesus.

Our past experiences, our childhood, some relationships have left wounds in our hear. Because of our pain, we have left space to Satan to create strongholds, places of thinking, based on lies, that control us and that are against the Kingdom of God. The pastor mentioned that one of the most common stronghold is rejection. It usually starts when we are babies, and is related to our interaction with our parents, and the desire to be up to their expectations. Right after that, fear comes. We live in fear of not being sufficient, to loose the affection and love from the ones we love. That leads to anger and, ultimately, to the stronghold of control.

Since I started my Master Life classes two years ago and joined the ISEED program many things have changed in my life. I can confidently say that I am not the person I was years ago and I am grateful to God for the work of the Holy Spirit in me. I have been through the Inner healing course and the steps to freedom in Christ (two courses that are part of the ISEED Program) and I have seen great deliverance from God, specially in the areas of rejection, fear and anger. I realized that those feelings and reactions do not define me. I am a new creature in Him and that I can live the life and freedom He wants for me.
But for the first time, last Sunday I realized that not all the strongholds had be addressed. The last one was still there. I finally realized that my tendency to "perfection" both on me and on others is not from God. Of course, it's good to have the desire to help others in becoming a better person, but I could sense frustration and disappointment in my words every time I would suggest someone to do something that for me was pretty clear and "absolutely right". I realized that I haven't been talking out of truth and love, but only in a judgmental tone and attitude.
That's why I immediately asked for prayer. I replaced the lies in my head with the truths from the Bible. Instead of thinking "You should know best. If you know and still do what is wrong you deserve to be treated harshly", I should focus on Jesus reaction to Peter's denial: He didn't scold him, but forgave him and look at his potential.
I asked God to forgive me for my hard heart and to give me His love and compassion and I know he did!

Do you, like I did, struggle with rejection, fear, anger or control? Do you have any areas in you character that you wish was different? Go to Jesus and experience His freedom!

Reward for sharing the gospel

In Rich’s Evangelism class, we discussed about the challenges that we meet when sharing the gospel. There are many reasons that hinder us from sharing the gospel to others. Maybe we are afraid what others may react. It also possible that we are busy and do not have a heart or a plan to share the gospel. We may also feel inadequacy when sharing the gospel.  Among all the four reasons, the most common one is fear.  We are afraid that people may judge us, reject us, hurt us or even kill us. Then Rich asked do you think you can do it if I give 10,000 each time after you share the gospel? Most of us said yes.

My personal answer is also yes. To be more correct, my answer is ‘absolutely’.  Then right away, I was stricken by my answer. I am smashed by my thoughts behind this. What is my motivation in doing things? If sharing the gospel makes me afraid and getting 10,000 reward covers the fear, does that mean getting a financial reward is more important than sharing the gospel? What is my purpose in sharing the gospel then? Isn’t that joining God’s joy for one’s salvation a lot bigger than anything? By giving that answer, am I saying that God is not giving enough rewards every day? He paid a heavy price to buy me back, even though I got it for free. He is also fulfilling my needs every day.  He gives me a healthy body, a loving family, a bunch of good friends, a good volunteer opportunity, etc.. Am I really counting his mercy and grace every day? Am I allowing the Holy Spirit to renew me every day? I guess not.

 

I really hope by prayer I can renew myself every day and serve God with gratitude. I hope one day in his kingdom I can be called a good and faithful servant.

Let's talk about fear

Fear, an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat. 

It is unlikely that this is the emotion someone want to experience on a daily basis let alone let it take control over your life. Unfortunately, fear isn't uncommon. At least at some point in life, we all had fear towards an unknown future and the feeling that we have absolutely no control over the things that are right in front of our eyes.

I too had the fear of not being able to determine what's going to happen in my life and whether or not the things that I have planned will go the way I wanted them to. Especially a few months before I graduated from college, it was a time filled with uncertainty. I have my life all planned out but with reality, some of the things that I planned didn't seem to work out. The more I have to change my plans, the less confidence I had in myself. Instead, I stopped planning. Imagine the fear of not knowing what's coming next, and what to prepare. That was exactly how I was feeling back then. It also seemed like God was not giving me any directions either. I was left alone, completely. I was like a 5-year-old kid in a giant shopping mall alone, can't find my parents, don't know who to turn to, don't know which way is the way out.

The truth is, God never left me alone. He was watching over me, waiting for the perfect timing to drive all the fear away and put me back on the right track. That was exactly what He did. I heard about the ISEED program and was surprised at how well it fitted my situation and the desires that I had in my heart -- to grow in my faith and to try different things to figure out what my true passion is about. I was so amazed as how perfectly it worked out for me and all the amazing things that God has planned for me during this journey. I started to realize that, fear, is nothing but not having enough faith and confidence in God our Father. 

Now, I am faced with the same situation. Standing at the intersection, don't know where to go. Reality has hit me again. Changes in life and unexpected things were pulling me away from the "track". Faced with so many options and decisions, the same fear came creeping in. This time, I was waiting for God to direct me and once again tell me the plans that He has for me. 

Instead of opening a door for me, God closed a door to show me the direction. He pointed at that direction and said to me, "that's not where I want you to go." When an opportunity slipped away from you finger tip, the normal reaction would be either disappointed or sad. Well, that was not how I was feeling. I feel really relieved and the picture in my head actually became clearer. I knew that God was preparing something much better for me. As time goes on, the meetings with my career mentor, other people I encountered in my life all points me to pursuing a graduate degree in finance and to be a financial advisor serving multicultural communities. I felt that God was using people around me to tell me where to go. Once again, God took away the fear I had.

Now I have complete confidence in God and trust him in leading me in my life. Every time when fear tries to take control over my life, take control over my mind, God uses His way to pull me out of it and points me the way.

Perfect love drives out fear. God's love for us is perfect. There is no reason to be afraid of anything in life. Fear didn't help much in my life, if anything, it taught me to trust in God more and to rely on Him.