God is my provider

I am studying listening prayer with Keren Oliver and it is so much a blessing to have this class with her.  We meet every Friday and I hope every day is Friday in a week.

At first, it seems a little bit challenge for me to ‘listen’ to God. Mostly I pray to God about my concerns in the beginning of the day, I then just leave God and go to handle my things. I did not really have time to listen to God and got the feedback from Him. It was challenging to believe that I can silence the other voices and hear God’s voice clearly. 

 I want to share with you what I experienced last week. I got admitted to Master of Business Logistics Engineering program in Fisher College and I will begin my study in this coming August. I need scholarship yet I knew Fisher College does not provide scholarship for international students in this program. I shared this to Karen and she challenged me by asking me to pray to God and listen to Him on the next day. I waited for several days and finally I did what she told to me on the next Tuesday, yet I did not hear back clearly immediately. I asked God to show me if it is his plan for me to study in Fisher College. Then I send an email to Fisher College and asked them if there is any scholarship available. Much to my surprise, I received one email saying that every student will get some scholarship and they will tell me how much scholarship I am receiving on that day. I received another email by the end of the day saying that I am getting a 10,000 scholarship, which is the highest scholarship Fisher College provide for students in MBLE program. I just cannot stand to burst into tear and sing worship songs to God. My heart was effusive in my gratitude. I am so thankful that God replied my prayer in such an immediate and direct way. I am also thankful that He know fulfill my needs.

Morning Feast

One morning last November, in a hotel room of Chicago, where I was staying for a Christian conference, I woke up, surprisingly, to some alluring scents of Chinese food. When I opened my eyes to search for the source, I saw my roommate Wudi eating at a table to the right of the TV, under the dim light from a lamp, his back towards me. Human senses are a wonderful thing-my hearing told me that Wudi was eating quickly, but quietly, meaning that he was ravenously consuming the food and at the same time paying attention not to wake me up. Therefore, almost as soon as I regained my consciousness, I developed the impression of Wudi as a caring person, a character which the more I got to know him, the more I can attest to.

After Wudi found me awake, he told me that he had bought food for both of us, even going so far as to use the microwave in the hotel lobby to heat up the beef tendon soup for me to enjoy the dish at its finest. As I was feasting at Wudi’s table, I tasted not only the Chinese food I grew up eating, but also the good old days when I used to wake up to the breakfast my family already prepared for me. Indeed, for an itinerant international student like me, waking up to delicious food at hand was truly one of a kind experience.

My dear readers, at this point, you might have thought that Wudi and I were very good friends. But as I mentioned in the first paragraph, this was the day that I got some of my first impressions of Wudi-we had not yet gotten to know each other very well.  I first met Wudi at IFI’s welcome party last August. Later he was recruited by our worship team and joined our Bible study small group, consistently, no absence. Last November, when the opportunity of a Christian conference arose, we invited Wudi, hoping to spend more time together and that he would learn more of the Lord. In my mind, it was my role to serve Wudi, not the other way around. Who could have thought that Wudi served me with an unforgettable meal?  Who could have known that Wudi’s act of love to me on that morning was but a harbinger of bountiful altruistic services he would later provide to everyone in our circle?

Now in retrospect, I treated Christian ministry as something fraught with difficulties and hardships, more than its fair share. True, when we share the Gospel, we often do not receive a welcoming gesture. But I so often went in, determined to tackle the hardest questions, and to endure the highest demands, as if misunderstanding, mockery, and even persecution were a foregone conclusion. Sharing God’s word is undoubtedly difficult at times, but it could also be as enjoyable as feasting at the table of the Lord. “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.” Through Wudi’s table, I experienced and learned about the pleasant blessings God prepared for us along the way. So why not just do what God calls us to do, with obedience, without too much expectation, and let Him determine the process through which to achieve His plan? I know I just stated something easier said than done, but that’s the lesson God reinforced on me through Wudi.

I could have concluded this blog post here, but my dear readers, I believe it’d be your pleasure to read on for a few more thoughts. Wudi is an avid fan of driving, and got a car late December. Since then, he has been relentlessly providing rides for people in need of going to Bible studies, churches, restaurants, grocery stores, and driving tests. He picks you up at your door, onto the road the car roars, taking you wherever you ask for, no worry about rides anymore- an amazing example of God perfectly matching Wudi’s passion for driving and his service as a driver. Better still, Wudi accepted the Lord two days ago.

The Bible tells us that love never fails and that wherever the Gospel is preached, people will learn about the woman who washed Jesus’s feet with extravagant perfume and her hair. Preparing a meal? Giving rides? What do I do to love others? 

When darkness falls

This post today speaks something really personal to me. It's about the darkness in Christian life, something that wasn't clear to me when I first accepted Christ as my savior.

Christian life isn't without its struggles, that I knew. But darkness? I couldn't associate them with the image of a Christian, who's been fully and completely accepted and forgiven by God through Jesus Christ. Where could darkness possibly fall in this world of light, right? At least that's what I thought.

At the beginning of ISEED, I thought all I would be doing is loving on people. Caring for internationals who are displaced from their home countries, sharing my passion for nations with fellow believers, or just simply being joyful everyday waking up doing what God has put in my heart, what could be a more perfect job for me than doing ministry?

I was so hopeful that this could be one of the best years of my life, that I didn't realize I left room for Satan's lies to sneak into my heart.

The spiritual attacks I have experienced in the last few months are so strong, that they were stealing my joy, my purpose, and my desire to serve people. I felt so alone, rejected, and left out. And God seems to be so far away and silent when I asked Him for help.

Are you really who the God who they say you are, who is full of compassion and goodness, who is faithful to the ones who put their trust in your name? Are you the God that's worthy of my service and sacrifice? Are you really?

Satan sure has his way to make his lies so convincing, that even the scriptures I tried to read would look distant - until I found Psalm 88.

Comparing with other psalms in the bible, it is a psalm full of questioning in the midst of desperation. And the pain of the psalmist is so real, that I can feel it through the paper as I read this passage. "You have taken my companions and loved ones from me; the darkness is my closest friend." It even ended this way.

Guess after all, I'm not alone in all this.

Christians are not immune to darkness. And maybe darkness exists so we would know it's so real when the light shines through us.

And then Psalm 23 comes to me. It's probably one of the most quoted psalms. But it wasn't until now that it has fully come to life for me.

"The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.  He makes me lie down in green pastures,he leads me beside quiet waters,
 he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.  Even though I walk through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,  for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me."

Psalm 23: 1-4 

                                          

I know this is the truth I need to hold onto. God's grace is sufficient for me regardless of my service, and He will be with me till the end of the day.

A story I wanted to share with you is about the Lunar New Year Party. It was probably one of the hardest days for me. And I still remember the darkness I felt on me on that day, even I was surrounded by hundreds of people on this special and supposedly joyful occasion.

I met a girl for the first time on the following day. And she told me she remembered me because of my smile at the party.

I couldn't believe it, that God has put joy on my face when I thought I was running out. Is He using me even in the moments of my distress?

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As I write this post, I invite you to pray with me that God will bring comfort to many Christians who are suffering out there in darkness, that God will use even their suffering to bring out His good purpose, that they would not give up even they feel alone and abandoned. God is with us. And He will be with us through it all.

My prayer is that He will pour out His strength through me to help me finish ISEED, that He will use me as an encouragement for people even when I least expect it, and most importantly, that He will equip me with the spiritual armor to win this battle.

Satan will not win over His people. Light will eventually overcome the darkness.

In the eye of the storn

We live in a real and material world, where we face our everyday battles and struggles: bills to pay, relationships, work, etc. Sometimes things work, sometimes they don’t. Frustration arises and we realize we are not in control of what others do or think. We start to focus on who is responsible for things not going well, we even blame ourselves, but we rarely find the true culprit.
In fact, the Bible says that there is much more to our world, a spiritual dimension where Christians are constantly under attack. The enemy knows he cannot take our salvation away, so he tries to steal the joy in our job, the harmony with our partner, the peace in our decisions (sounds like him, right? The one who comes to “steal, kill and destroy”!). Recently I have been reading for the second time the book “Fervent”, by Prishilla Shirer, looking for suggestions and action plans against the manipulations of Satan. Lately, in fact, I have experienced a lot of spiritual attacks, when everything goes in the wrong way and you know it cannot be only a coincidence. So I started looking for the enemy’s fingerprints.

Condemnation always leads to guilt-laden discouragement, while conviction- though often painful in pointing out our wrongdoing- still somehow encourages and lifts up, giving us hope to rebuild on. The first makes you focus on yourself; the other points you to the grace and empowering mercy of Christ.

The key here is to realize who the real enemy is. People are not the problem. Satan wants us to focus on things that are physical and visible instead of where the action really is. The Bible says “Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” (Eph. 6:11- 12).
There is someone behind the curtain who is plotting against us. Did you notice the word in verse 11? “The Devil’s schemes”. They are strategies and deceptive plots organized in a diligent and intentional way. Until we don’t realize that, we will continue fighting the wrong battle. That is exactly what I was doing. I was upset with my husband, with myself, with the circumstances that made us argue more than usual, with tensions that normally would not exist between us. Then I stopped and I saw the big picture. Some weeks prior, we had chosen to host an international student at our house. We felt real clear from the Lord to do this, even if our place is pretty small and it means to have less time for each other. We knew that it was meant to be a transformational time for him (and for us!), an occasion to know who God is and experience His love in a Christian family. As it often happens, whenever you align yourself with God’s will, the enemy will look for ways to distract you and convince you to give up. That’s where my husband and I realized that we were not each other’s limit, but that we were partners in spreading the Gospel, so we needed to collaborate and find unity in fighting our common enemy. We stopped and used our amazing weapon: prayer!  In fact, as we realize that it is not an earthly war, we are ready to use the right weapons to be effective.

The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Cor. 10:4-5).

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people (Eph. 6: 13-18).

God is in control, no matter neither what the circumstances say, nor what Satan is whispering to your ear. In the middle of the storm, he is our salvation, because the One who is in us is greater than he who is in the world. He has prepared us to fight the good fight and he has enabled us to do it with the right tools!

To be a cross-cultural servant

I am now reading Cross-Cultural Servanthood, and I got to know an awesome way to equip me to be a better cross-cultural servant, that is start with the end and work toward the beginning. In order to serve people, we need to understand them. To understand them, we need to learn more about their culture. To learn from them, we need to build trust with them. To build trust, accept them. To accept them, show openness. It is so awesome to have the end in mind and gradually find what I need to connect people from other culture. It helps me to evaluate what steps I am in regarding my journeys of becoming a servant to many of my international friends and know what I should do next.

This book also teaches me throughout the process of connecting people, I should always show more respect to people and accept them as the way they are. I am not supposed to work on those people to become perfect in my eye, but to work together with them to find God and God will take the responsibility to change this person from inside out.

It touched me a lot when a missionary’s son was spitted on, yet the missionary calmed her son and finally got to know that it is a way to bless people in that area. It needs a lot of trust not to simply ask why when in their own culture they are miss-treated. May God also give me this kind of humbleness and trust when I am put into similar scenarios.