When darkness falls

This post today speaks something really personal to me. It's about the darkness in Christian life, something that wasn't clear to me when I first accepted Christ as my savior.

Christian life isn't without its struggles, that I knew. But darkness? I couldn't associate them with the image of a Christian, who's been fully and completely accepted and forgiven by God through Jesus Christ. Where could darkness possibly fall in this world of light, right? At least that's what I thought.

At the beginning of ISEED, I thought all I would be doing is loving on people. Caring for internationals who are displaced from their home countries, sharing my passion for nations with fellow believers, or just simply being joyful everyday waking up doing what God has put in my heart, what could be a more perfect job for me than doing ministry?

I was so hopeful that this could be one of the best years of my life, that I didn't realize I left room for Satan's lies to sneak into my heart.

The spiritual attacks I have experienced in the last few months are so strong, that they were stealing my joy, my purpose, and my desire to serve people. I felt so alone, rejected, and left out. And God seems to be so far away and silent when I asked Him for help.

Are you really who the God who they say you are, who is full of compassion and goodness, who is faithful to the ones who put their trust in your name? Are you the God that's worthy of my service and sacrifice? Are you really?

Satan sure has his way to make his lies so convincing, that even the scriptures I tried to read would look distant - until I found Psalm 88.

Comparing with other psalms in the bible, it is a psalm full of questioning in the midst of desperation. And the pain of the psalmist is so real, that I can feel it through the paper as I read this passage. "You have taken my companions and loved ones from me; the darkness is my closest friend." It even ended this way.

Guess after all, I'm not alone in all this.

Christians are not immune to darkness. And maybe darkness exists so we would know it's so real when the light shines through us.

And then Psalm 23 comes to me. It's probably one of the most quoted psalms. But it wasn't until now that it has fully come to life for me.

"The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.  He makes me lie down in green pastures,he leads me beside quiet waters,
 he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.  Even though I walk through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,  for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me."

Psalm 23: 1-4 

                                          

I know this is the truth I need to hold onto. God's grace is sufficient for me regardless of my service, and He will be with me till the end of the day.

A story I wanted to share with you is about the Lunar New Year Party. It was probably one of the hardest days for me. And I still remember the darkness I felt on me on that day, even I was surrounded by hundreds of people on this special and supposedly joyful occasion.

I met a girl for the first time on the following day. And she told me she remembered me because of my smile at the party.

I couldn't believe it, that God has put joy on my face when I thought I was running out. Is He using me even in the moments of my distress?

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As I write this post, I invite you to pray with me that God will bring comfort to many Christians who are suffering out there in darkness, that God will use even their suffering to bring out His good purpose, that they would not give up even they feel alone and abandoned. God is with us. And He will be with us through it all.

My prayer is that He will pour out His strength through me to help me finish ISEED, that He will use me as an encouragement for people even when I least expect it, and most importantly, that He will equip me with the spiritual armor to win this battle.

Satan will not win over His people. Light will eventually overcome the darkness.